My Complaint

I love living abroad. I love the life I have here. I have my family and activities. . . But despite being happy, I miss seeing those close to my heart who live on the other side of the wide, wide ocean.
The fact is my family and friends can't and don't come here often, and NEVER will. The fact is my family and I cannot and will never be able to go there often. The reality is we will NEVER see each other often.
That is sad, very sad, extremely sad.
Maybe I am having an emotional moment of a pregnant woman. Maybe the truth has finally hit me. I tend to live in hope, to dream, to plan, to expect so very much. But the reality is all that I hope and dream is next to impossible.
I know I must accept the fact that my children and their cousins and aunts and uncles in America will never be as close as I would like. They will never know each other nearly as well as I would have dreamed.
If I were to be very honest, and let the truth of my selfish heart out about how this makes me feel, it wouldn't be very nice. In all honesty I feel hurt, and neglected. I have been to visit my family twice in America the last two years. God has been EXTREMELY gracious in allowing us to do that financially. But the truth is I feel hurt and offended that the people I love in America (other than my parents) don't even make an effort to come here. I know they are busy. I know things are hard for them financially. But my husband's monthly salary is far less than they make over there. I guess I feel like they should want to come to see us and make some sacrifices to do so. (Who would want to come see me when I have such a complaining spirit? I need to fix that first :)
I know that if I post this I will be ashamed of myself. Ashamed for complaining, ashamed for showing the selfishness in my heart. My Mom will be happy to see I have these emotions, she likes to know I miss them.
I feel like making some remedy for my complaints here in the end, as if to apologize for what I have said. And yet the truth remains that these are the feelings I have, and have had. It isn't so hard to pick up the phone and call me. I know installing and using Skype seems daunting to the uninitiated, but a bit of contact would mean so much. Even if not everyone can afford or make the time to come and see me, just calling is nice too.
If anyone feels bad, or guilty after reading this, don't take it personally. My complaint isn't againsn't any one person.
If I were a missionary I would perhaps be remembered more. I would have a prayer card, and send out newsletters or updates by e-mail. I would have furloughs and all of that. My life would seem more important and note worthy. But I am not in full time ministry in that respect. I am a full time Mom and a full time wife. I am living abroad and perhaps it appears I am by now fully adjusted to this life. But the truth is I am an American, living in a foreign country. I miss you all and things about life in America at times. I long to be living as a missionary in my foreign country, to be making a difference for Jesus where I am. Yet the ordinary and mundane chores of life often distract me. I get discouraged and preoccupied. What is my task? What is my mission? What am I to be doing?
I know- my job is to raise my son, and our unborn child, our children in God's ways. To support and encourage my husband.
My husband was just home for lunch. I told him about my complaint, about the post I am writing. I started crying as I told him. . . I want to feel important, even though I am far away. I guess that is my complaint.