Try Again

It has been ages since we wrote on this blog. But I was missing you today, each of you. And wishing we could and would write.

It is summer is full glory. The days are endless, the nights never dark. The strawberries and cherries are rolling in and we worked up about 30 lbs of strawberries yesterday!

Our three nieces (Janis' sisters girls are here). They are great helpers. But it makes me sad that your kids are all so far away. Perhaps when they get older they can spend summers in Europe with their cousins. . . .

I have been painting a lot. I am supposed to have a booth in Riga next week in one ritzy spot. The song and dance festival which is a every 4 years is next week. Riga will have lots of people next week and I am hoping that my first time trying to sell something here in LV will go ok.

What are you all doing?

Our tomatoes this year are monsters, we have a new green house. We got a truck load of manure and these tomatoes are growing like zrazy. None ripe yet, but it looks like it will be a good crop. We have 30 plants. We have the old greenhouse with cucumbers- hoping to can a lot of pickles this summer.

I wish I could savor summer and really enjoy it- but it seems to be slipping through my fingers and I haven't even gone swimming once.

How are you enjoing summer?

Love you all!

My Complaint

I love living abroad. I love the life I have here. I have my family and activities. . . But despite being happy, I miss seeing those close to my heart who live on the other side of the wide, wide ocean.
The fact is my family and friends can't and don't come here often, and NEVER will. The fact is my family and I cannot and will never be able to go there often. The reality is we will NEVER see each other often.
That is sad, very sad, extremely sad.
Maybe I am having an emotional moment of a pregnant woman. Maybe the truth has finally hit me. I tend to live in hope, to dream, to plan, to expect so very much. But the reality is all that I hope and dream is next to impossible.
I know I must accept the fact that my children and their cousins and aunts and uncles in America will never be as close as I would like. They will never know each other nearly as well as I would have dreamed.
If I were to be very honest, and let the truth of my selfish heart out about how this makes me feel, it wouldn't be very nice. In all honesty I feel hurt, and neglected. I have been to visit my family twice in America the last two years. God has been EXTREMELY gracious in allowing us to do that financially. But the truth is I feel hurt and offended that the people I love in America (other than my parents) don't even make an effort to come here. I know they are busy. I know things are hard for them financially. But my husband's monthly salary is far less than they make over there. I guess I feel like they should want to come to see us and make some sacrifices to do so. (Who would want to come see me when I have such a complaining spirit? I need to fix that first :)
I know that if I post this I will be ashamed of myself. Ashamed for complaining, ashamed for showing the selfishness in my heart. My Mom will be happy to see I have these emotions, she likes to know I miss them.
I feel like making some remedy for my complaints here in the end, as if to apologize for what I have said. And yet the truth remains that these are the feelings I have, and have had. It isn't so hard to pick up the phone and call me. I know installing and using Skype seems daunting to the uninitiated, but a bit of contact would mean so much. Even if not everyone can afford or make the time to come and see me, just calling is nice too.
If anyone feels bad, or guilty after reading this, don't take it personally. My complaint isn't againsn't any one person.
If I were a missionary I would perhaps be remembered more. I would have a prayer card, and send out newsletters or updates by e-mail. I would have furloughs and all of that. My life would seem more important and note worthy. But I am not in full time ministry in that respect. I am a full time Mom and a full time wife. I am living abroad and perhaps it appears I am by now fully adjusted to this life. But the truth is I am an American, living in a foreign country. I miss you all and things about life in America at times. I long to be living as a missionary in my foreign country, to be making a difference for Jesus where I am. Yet the ordinary and mundane chores of life often distract me. I get discouraged and preoccupied. What is my task? What is my mission? What am I to be doing?
I know- my job is to raise my son, and our unborn child, our children in God's ways. To support and encourage my husband.
My husband was just home for lunch. I told him about my complaint, about the post I am writing. I started crying as I told him. . . I want to feel important, even though I am far away. I guess that is my complaint.

Unanswered prayers

This summer I have seen two people I cared about make some very unwise decisions.
I have cried more tears over this than I had ever cried before. It was as if this person, as I knew them died.

I prayed, of course I prayed. I prayed for miracles, for God to prevent this person from sinning further. But God didn't answer. I know that He answered in His way, but He didn't stop this person from sinning as I wanted Him too. He didn't work the miracles I had hoped He would. Why? Was it because of the free choice He has given? Was it because this person didn't seek to do otherwise?

Another person- another story- more tears shed and I tried to warn them of the downfall of the first. They thanked me for caring, and that was that. As far as I know they too have chosen to walk the path they had chosen. More unanswered prayers.

I find myself wondering if is really mattered that I prayed? Will it matter in the future? I KNOW that God answers prayers. I see Him answering my prayers daily. He works in all kinds of little ways in my life. But what about these big things? Why didn't He answer? Why didn't He keep these two children of His from sinning further? Was it because they didn't choose to please Him? I feel as if it is of no use to pray for a person who has decided to stubbornly follow their own desires over the best plan God has for them. It seems so useless. . . if a person so dear could so completely forsake all they knew as right.

James 5: 16b says, ". . . The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

Perhaps I am not righteous enough? Perhaps I don't know how to pray well enough? I don't know. I am mourning over the people mentioned. I grieve over their choices. I wonder about the future and how to pray more effectively.

I don't doubt God's ability to answer, I just feel so disappointed.

Dedicated to Rachel

Hold On To Jesus- Erin O'Donnell

You're a little piece of heaven
You're a golden ray of light
And I wish I could protect you
From the worries of this life
But if there's one thing I could tell you
It's no matter what you do
Hold to Jesus
He's holding on to you

The world will try to tell you
That might is more than right
That beauty's on the outside
And being good's a losing fight
But remember what I've told you
Because the world will make you choose
Hold to Jesus
He's holding on to you

Hold on to Jesus
Cling to His love
Rest deep in His mercy
Whenever things get rough
Don't lose sight of His goodness
And don't ever doubt this truth
That when you hold on to Jesus
He's holding on to you

Hear me dear Jesus
Rock this little one to sleep
Keep her close when she's scared
And give her grace when she is weak
I know she'll stumble
But I know she'll make it through
If you hold to her just like
You said You'd do
Hold her Jesus
And she'll hold on tight to You

My Little Lamb

I had a little lamb,
its fleece was white as snow.
It followed in the ways of those who've gone astray.
I've lost my little lamb,
My heart has gone array.
I cannot stop the tears from running down my face.

Too excited

I can't wait to see you, Rachel, and Mom and Dad. I am bursting at the gills with excitment. I hope we have a wonderful time, I am sure we will. I wish Abe and Matthew were coming too, and Abe's family of course!!
I love you all!
Happy Birthday Matthew!!
What are you doing to celebrate?

A grandma

I wish Daniel had a Grandma here. It is really a shame that now families are so spread out that grandparents live so far from their grandchildren. If Janis' parents were living that would make a difference. In Latvia it seems likes grandparents are very involved. Very often they all live in one house. Our neighbors are like that, there are 4 generations living in one house. That sure comes in handy when one needs babysitters.
I have been wishing we had a grandma here. Someone who could go on walks with Daniel now and then, and teach him. Of course a grandpa would be nice too, so they could do all kinds of boy things.
So anyway I wish we had a grandma. . .